Fundamentals


#00012: The Hardest Question

The very first thing any coach will ask you is, “What do you want?”

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It’s considered the hardest question to answer.

Answering it honestly and with your actual true desires is fundamental to your happiness.

When you know what you – YOU – desire… 

… AND you know that your desires ARE YOUR OWN…

… and not what anyone else – i.e. parents, siblings, significant others, friends, coworkers, etc. – tells or pressures you to desire…

… then you can honestly answer the “What do you want?” question.

This answer can take time.

My advice?

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Let it.

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If you don’t know what YOUR desires are as of yet, that’s totally okay. You will figure it out.

For me it took 20 years to honestly define my desires. I had to figure out who I was and who I wasn’t.

Obviously, that can take time…

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… A lot of time for some of us.

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And a whole lot of bravery if your desires happen to not be exactly the same as others near and dear to you.

You can feel like an outsider, like you’re all alone, that NO ONE understand you, that no one is like you, that there isn’t really a group for you, that everyone else has something figured out or that everyone else is settling for mediocrity, that you’re somehow behind where you should be by this point in your life…

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… and all of those feelings are very, very human.

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And navigable.

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Really.

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They are.

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Promise.

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So, here’s what I came up with for my desires, in the order they came through my mind:

  1. Honest Relationships

  2. Mastery ( i.e. one practice 10,000 times)

  3. Simplicity

  4. Happiness

  5. Peacefulness

  6. Fun & Playfulness

  7. Self-Confidence

  8. Artistry

  9. Love

  10. Putting in the Time

  11. Working Hard

  12. Building a Lasting Legacy

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The short version of how I figured out my desires is that I was laying in bed, eyes closed, lights off, listening to new age music on Pandora (without ads, thank-you-very-much!) and thinking about what qualities are most important to me, what I respect, what I enjoy and questioning all the while if these answers were really my own or someone else’s.

When I finally looked INWARD, my answers came forward during a two to three hour time span. As each emerged, I added them to a list titled “Honor My Desires” on a page in my journal, so I could see them in the morning after a good night’s sleep.

And…

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… as it happens…

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… the list above is absolutely of my very own desires.

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Exclusively.

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So, here’s to you my friend…

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… looking inward…

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… and writing out your list of desires…

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… to answer the hardest question…

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… What do you want?

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To your happiness.

xoxo,
Sara